{"id":819,"date":"2020-05-18T13:55:22","date_gmt":"2020-05-18T13:55:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.uakron.edu\/communitycares\/?page_id=819"},"modified":"2020-05-18T13:56:52","modified_gmt":"2020-05-18T13:56:52","slug":"overcoming-comparative-suffering","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/blogs.uakron.edu\/communitycares\/overcoming-comparative-suffering\/","title":{"rendered":"Overcoming Comparative Suffering"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Overcoming Comparative Suffering<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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Throughout this pandemic and its associated negative impacts, perhaps you have noticed yourself or others engaging in some problematic reasoning:
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\u201cHow can I complain or feel negatively about being confined to my house when there are some who don\u2019t even have houses to stay in?\u201d
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\u201cYou should stop complaining about being essential and just be grateful that you even get <\/strong>to go to work. So many people have been laid off from this. At least you have a job.\u201d
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\u201cI really shouldn\u2019t feel so anxious and scared. My neighbor\/family member\/friend is immunocompromised, and I\u2019m healthy so there\u2019s no justification for my fear.\u201d
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If you\u2019ve been on the receiving end of these comments, you probably felt very invalidated.  This type of reasoning is called comparative suffering<\/strong>.  Comparative suffering is based on the assumption that pain or hurt can be rank-ordered.  Sometimes we think this makes our suffering easier: \u201cif someone has it worse than me, it might make my pain lighter.\u201d  However, the impact is that your suffering now becomes \u201cwrong.\u201d  You label your feelings as incorrect, and then introduce guilt or shame that you ever felt pain in the first place.  Additionally, it can serve to isolate.  If you feel guilt or shame about your suffering, you are more likely to avoid sharing it with others.
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Another assumption that comparative suffering is based on is that empathy is a finite resource.  We mistakenly assume that giving empathy to someone means we are taking it away from another.  This is false.  Empathy is a skill.  It\u2019s an ability.  Meaning we can choose to use it whenever we want.  You can be kind and compassionate to your essential worker friend, as well as your friend who has lost their job.  At the same time, you can direct compassion towards yourself.  
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Start looking out for comparative suffering.  Below are some key phrases and words that might indicate that someone is engaging in comparative suffering, and suggestions for ways to replace them with more empathy and compassion.
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