Emotional Problem Solving
When it comes to coping with our emotional responses to problems in our lives, we generally have four options:
1. Solve the problem,
2. Tolerate the problem,
3. Change our perception of the problem,
or
4. Stay miserable.
This may seem overly simplistic – yet it seems to represent every possible way we can deal with problematic situations. Our first option – to solve the problem – is the process of identifying a problem and brainstorming potential solutions. Once you have come up with a wide range of possible solutions, you pick one that seems likely to work and break it down into smaller steps. This makes it easier to actually engage in the solution.
The second option – tolerating the problem – is essentially “surviving” the problem. You aren’t going to engage in anything to change the problem, but just make it more manageable to get through. For example, if you’re feeling very overwhelmed by the amount of work you have to get done today, you might light a nice candle, have a delicious cup of coffee or tea, and get in your most comfortable sweatpants to make it feel less overwhelming.
The third option – changing your perception of the problem – is more of a “glass half full” approach. It’s about rearranging your perspective to either see the brighter side of things, or perhaps challenging assumptions about the problem in the first place. For example, perhaps you’re feeling upset about a friend not texting you back or a family member who seems to be ignoring your calls. If you perceive this problem as a personal slight (“they are ignoring me on purpose; they don’t want to talk to me”), you’re more likely to experience uncomfortable emotions. Instead, you might change your perception of the situation to be more flexible and understanding (“they must be resting or very busy with work”).
Finally, the fourth option – staying miserable – is if you choose to not solve, tolerate, or change your perceptions about the problem. Every once in a while, it might be okay to choose this option – but continually choosing to stay miserable is not in your best interest.
Once we have realized our four options, it takes some critical thinking to figure out which of the options fits best for our situation. Most importantly, if the problem is unsolvable, choosing option 1 will not be effective. In fact, it might make some of the uncomfortable emotions worse – or create new ones.
The COVID-19 pandemic, unfortunately, is a problem that none of us can solve. This means we need to rely on our other skills, such as tolerating it by engaging in enjoyable activities at home or changing our perception of it. For example, you might view it as a great opportunity to have more quality time with those you live with or a perfect season to start learning a new skill or hobby.
Taking a step back to realize that these are our four options, we can take a bit more responsibility in how we respond to uncomfortable situations. I don’t say this to blame you for your uncomfortable emotions. Rather, I want you to feel empowered to feel in control of your response to problematic situations. You can do it! You can choose methods of coping that help you to avoid misery. Check out some of our other coping skills to get started.
Let us know in the comments how you’ve been using the strategies to cope with your problems!
